


Douce Emilie

by msgilliana



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Eventual relationship, F/M, Medical Devices, Medical Trauma, Pregnancy, Rape/non-con warning explained, chapter one has a lot of triggers, please tread with caution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:16:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28566804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msgilliana/pseuds/msgilliana
Summary: Emily CD. Scully’s abducted, and returns with bit more than when she was taken. Navigating this unexpected change, she closes off most everyone in her life, refusing to talk about it. After her daughter Emily is born, Scully navigates life as a new mom. Mulder is right there to catch her if she falls.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 17
Kudos: 87





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **TRIGGER WARNING: medical rape including penetration with a foreign object, needles, sounding, stirrups, and invasive procedures. This content may not be for all readers and is rated explicit for this chapter. Discretion _STRONGLY_ advised.**  
> 
> 
> This chapter deals with Scully’s POV during her abduction. The actions that happen to her during this chapter more than likely happened to the Latina community in the US during the 60s, 70s, and most recently reoccurring in the late 2010s. I say “more than likely” because we don’t know exactly what happened to Scully nor the Mexican women these procedures were being forced upon.
> 
> The procedures that were forced upon Latina women crossing the US border is nothing less than medical torture. Scully’s abduction, and subsequent absence of her bodily autonomy, is no doubt inspired by these incredibly heinous acts. 
> 
> These morally reprehensible procedures were written into a supernatural tv show with no forethought at the trauma these women experienced. I condemn Chris Carter for using torture as a plot point and completely disregarding the fear these women must’ve felt in custody of US border patrol. I condemn him for a lot of things, but especially for using such a horrible crime as a plot point because he, and I’m sure others as well, was unwilling to provide reasonable accommodations to Gillian Anderson when she was pregnant with Piper during filming parts of seasons 1 and 2 of The X-Files. And thus, the abduction plot point was unfortunately created.
> 
> Since many Hispanic women did/do not speak English, their language was/is a barrier, and they were not able to communicate with the people committing these horrible crimes against their will. Fear is a completely natural and acceptable reaction, and Scully will experience this in the prologue. 
> 
> I do not, in any way, think these actions are acceptable, nor do I agree with the blatant racism by the US government and the horrible tone-deafness by Chris Carter. 
> 
> A huge thank you to Lainey/[bisexualreina](https://www.archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualreina/) for telling me and educating me about this subject, and to [hellsteeth](https://www.archiveofourown.org/users/hellsteeth/) for the beta.
> 
> For more information on these criminal procedures, links are included here:  
> [“ICE whistleblower: Nurse alleges 'hysterectomies on immigrant women in US'”](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/world-us-canada-54160638)
> 
> [“‘Like an Experimental Concentration Camp’: Whistleblower Complaint Alleges Mass Hysterectomies at ICE Detention Center” ](https://lawandcrime.com/high-profile/like-an-experimental-concentration-camp-whistleblower-complaint-alleges-mass-hysterectomies-at-ice-detention-center/)
> 
> [”The Dark History of Forced Sterilization of Latina Women”](https://www.panoramas.pitt.edu/health-and-society/dark-history-forced-sterilization-latina-women)
> 
> [”The History of Forced Sterilization in the United States”](https://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/book-excerpts/health-article/forced-sterilization/)

Cold, dark, and noisy were the first sensations she recognized as she came to. Slowly opening her eyes, her surroundings looked the same; it was as if she was still unconscious. She tried to move, but she found herself unable. Her limbs were heavy and bound by metal cuffs at her wrists and ankles. She was surrounded by machines — from what she could make out as her eyes adjusted to the darkness — and the noise that emanated from them was almost deafening. Casting a glance downward, she was covered by a single sheet. The realization also made her aware of a soreness in her most intimate area. _A catheter must’ve been inserted,_ she thought. _The bastards._ Without a doubt, she knew they had violated her and done God-knows-what to her in her unconscious state. The desire to move her legs was overshadowed by wanting to stay covered, knowing that any movement could send the sheet falling and then she’d be bare, exposed for anyone to see. 

The last thing she remembered was being shoved into the trunk of Duane Barry’s car, but not without a fight. She wanted to expel the contents of her stomach at the thought of what had been done to her. How Barry got her coordinates to take her was still a mystery. She felt what she never wanted to feel: weak. Her working hard to prove herself in the boys’ club and becoming a trained federal agent left her overpowered by a paranoid maniac who spoke of extraterrestrials even more nonsensical than her work partner. A million different possibilities ran through her brain if what he was doing to ensure her safe return to D.C. Lord knows he was probably yelling at anyone within six inches of his person to find her and being her back. Maybe blaming the government, who was to say?

Location: unknown. Time passed: also unknown. These two worrisome facts on top of her other discoveries caused her to start panicking. The resulting whir and quick beeps from the machine almost caused her to faint from the headache-inducing increase in volume. 

A door opened. Slowly, a figure emerged, their footsteps hauntingly quiet. 

“Scream!” her brain told her, but no sound came. Even as the figure closed in like a lion on the prowl, her throat tightened and she was unable to even force a sound to emit from her throat. 

They walked to a machine that was supposedly a heart monitor, and she could hear scribbling as the figure stood eerily still. Her fingers clenched and unclenched, desperate to find a way out of the restraints. Her captor had apparently decided it was too dark to see after a while, and turned the lights on. The light was blinding as her eyes had been used to its absence. Her full state now visible, she panicked even more, her chest heaving with each sharp inhale. The machine whirred and beeped again, and the figure walked around, brushing her bare shoulder and arm as they did so. She shuddered at the contact. 

They wore a mask, so she couldn’t see their face as they stepped back, scribbling again. It felt as though a thousand people were taking delight in the fact she was mostly incapacitated, but it was just her and the unknown man. At least, she thought it was a man. Their touch felt human, at least from what she could make out. Suddenly, the lights turned off as quickly as they had came on and she soon found herself alone again. 

Her necklace. Her necklace was missing. It must've either been taken or lost in her fight with Barry. That necklace, the simple gold chain and matching cross, helped her many times when she felt her faith was being shaken. This was no different. Duane had spoken of aliens and the tests they performed on him, but these were not aliens that had taken and experimented on her. Oh no, this was the work of men. While “evil” was subjective, she was firm in her belief that it was evil men that were doing this to her. Men who were the ones treating her like a lab rat for their entertainment. Men that saw her as nothing more than a subject to run tests on, disregarding her personhood. Men who caused her pain.

These thoughts swirled around in her head, and she cursed the people who aided in whatever was happening to her. Sending up a prayer, she asked God for forgiveness, losing the ability to stay awake.

X 

For what felt like the next several days, it was the same routine. Regain consciousness, try to escape, be looked over, and left alone again. The catheter left an ever-present dull ache in her crotch and she wanted nothing more than to be back home, safe and sound. She never psychically ate, but she was also never hungry to the point of being in danger of starvation. How, she didn’t know. All she could assume was that the men were doing anything and everything to keep her alive so they could revel in inflicting pain upon another human being.

Day in and day out, was subjected to the same humiliating once-over. Day in and day out, she wanted to escape. However, she was forced to lay there, struggling and crying. When she overcame her panic, she spoke. 

“Why the hell are you doing this to me?!” she’d yell.

She’d never receive an answer.

One day, the man came in, checked the heart rate monitor, and caressed her arm. She always shivered, her arms and hands cold from exposure. Instead of moving away, however, she heard rustling. The man stopped, pulling out a scrap of black silk. Knowing what was about to happen sent the heart rate machine into a frenzy, beeping frantically. Her being unable to move only aided in the fear and she swore she could’ve heard the man laugh as he covered her eyes and ears.

“Don’t worry, Agent Scully. You will be alright.”

X

When she came to again, she struggled against the black fabric. Her sense of sight and hearing had been removed, making her other senses go into overdrive. This is why the pain was overwhelming when she could feel herself being internally examined. Her legs were raised on what felt like stirrups, and tears fell, dampening the silk as she felt a rod being inserted into her where the catheter had been previously. As she felt it move in and out, never leaving her body, she wanted to kick them away, scream, do anything to get her out of this. She just had her last gynecological visit a month ago. Well, a month before she had been kidnapped. The rod was cold and hurt even though she felt they had used some type of lubrication, the pain increased due to the aforementioned loss of two of her senses.

She was grateful when they finally took it out, but the feeling was quick-lived as a speculum was placed inside her instead. They stretched her vagina, and she felt like she was being torn. Shame, nausea, and pain overcame her and she used what energy she could muster to fight and scream. 

“Get off me!” she yelled as she thrashed about. 

She almost succeeded in kicking one of the men. Two of them forcefully held her legs down as a result, rendering her unable to move her lower half. 

“Stop!” she screamed.

This was torture. They were torturing her. Never had she felt so violated before. She had seen documents and newspaper articles about the government torturing the innocent women during the 60s and 70s who came across the southern border— no doubt papers the government wanted hidden or even destroyed— and wasn’t surprised they were doing these tests on anyone they saw as a threat. And for nothing more than the pure misogyny and sadism that existed in the deepest, darkest parts of the United States government. 

All of the sudden, the sheet was removed, exposing her to the now three men in the room. If not for her restraints, she would’ve immediately placed a hand across her chest and lower area, shielding herself. These sick fucks seemed to take pleasure in her naked form, and even more so in causing pain. A long needle was held in one of the man’s hands and she thrashed as he held her stomach down, piercing her skin with the needle. 

She saw stars. The pain of the needle and her being violated was too much, and she screamed, eyes closed shut even as the pain wavered minutes later. Her legs were lowered, the speculum removed, and a sticky substance placed on the pain point. She was soon alone, and prayed. 

X

There was no telling how long it had been since she had been taken. All she knew was she missed her mom and missed her partner, both who no doubt were doing everything they could to find her. What was more pressing, however, was the pain that was present in her lower belly. She had resigned herself to be emotionless, but tears escaped as fear took over her body. 

Her eyes widened as she looked down. The pain caused her to gasp. The last thing Dana Scully felt was her belly stretching, painfully so, and she passed out, but not before seeing her stomach grow. 

And grow. And grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, what a chapter. If you couldn’t get past the notes, I completely understand 💛  
> If you were able to read this chapter, hopefully I have shed some light on the horrible procedures performed unwillingly on Latina women. This chapter was very heavy, and I’m giving you a virtual hug for getting through it 🥰 The rest of this story will not nearly be as graphic save for consensual smut.
> 
> This chapter is NOT “haha trauma funny,” but one I hope is educational and enlightening. I highly encourage you to scroll back to the top and read the links provided.


	2. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Events based off of S2 E8 “One Breath” 
> 
> This is where we start to get really into divergent territory, as Scully wasn’t pregnant when she was returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content/Trigger Warning: Mentions of a speculum such as in chapter one and flashbacks. Skip the sixth section break (after the “X”) if this type of content is triggering.**
> 
> Dialogue from season 2 episode 8 “One Breath” by James Morgan and Glen Wong.
> 
> *Insert rage at how Gillian Anderson was treated because of men and misogyny/the patriarchy and how Chris Carter only gave her not even two weeks to recover from a FUCKING EMERGENCY C-SEC* 
> 
> Thank you to hellsteeth and bisexualreina for the beta! Mistakes my own.
> 
> I hope y’all read the links I put in chapter one and came to the conclusion the US and the patriarchy suck :)

“...She had taken something that was not hers to take. And although deathly afraid of snakes, Dana held the animal as if sheer human will could keep it alive. The snake, its blood on her hands, died. There was nothing she could do to bring it back.”

Mulder listened as Scully’s mother told the story of the garter snake, how a young Dana so desperately wanted to bring the snake back to life. He couldn’t imagine the pain the older woman must have been going through. To think you were losing your child… there were no words to describe the grief. 

Three months. Twelve weeks. Over two thousand hours, and over a hundred and twenty thousand minutes. That was how long Dana Scully had been missing, and as many minutes were spent filled with dread, not knowing the outcome.

When the tombstone was revealed, Mulder realized even Maggie’s hope was diminishing. He was being faced with something he didn’t even know he was fearing: if they didn’t find Scully soon, they never would. 

_No. I refuse,_ Mulder thought. _I refuse to say she’s dead._ He knew she wasn’t. She had to be out there somewhere. Alive. She had to come back to him. He needed her. As much as he was afraid to admit it, it was true. Dana Scully had not just become a work partner, she had become a friend. And right now, Fox Mulder needed his friend home. He just didn’t know how to get her back. 

X

Mulder ran his hands along an X-File as he sat on the couch in his apartment. He never imagined he’d be holding one because of Scully. He’d spent three long months searching, for answers, for the truth. It was eating him up inside, not knowing if his partner was being subjected to tests he couldn’t even imagine or the pain she must be feeling. He would never forgive himself for not making it to Skyland Mountain in time to save her. 

He set the file down and walked to the refrigerator to grab a beer, hoping to numb his senses. Reaching into his back pocket, he held Scully’s necklace. He’d found it amidst the mess from what was supposedly her altercation with Duane Barry and kept it safe for her. Once he opened the bottle, he took a giant swig and set it down on the end table along with her necklace. Mulder propped his feet up on the coffee table and picked up the file again. He flipped through it, hoping to find _something_ that could help locate Scully. 

His work had declined in the months since she’d disappeared, and his supervisor had definitely taken notice. It was obvious he missed her, even when she didn’t believe his theories. A woman of science, yes, but she respected him and didn’t make him feel “spooky,” as other agents at the Bureau had. She stood right by his side as he spouted off the possibilities of the paranormal, and she rolled her eyes and refuted with science. 

He’d never admit it, but he had started falling for the petite redhead. Even though she was sent to discredit him, her intellect and science-driven mind amazed him. Her blue eyes held the key to his heart. Scully’s ambition and drive left him hopelessly in love with her. She was smart and sexy, but also professional. He would never admit to thoughts he had about her that were the complete opposite. 

Mulder almost teared up at the thought he may never see her again. The more time went by that she wasn’t found, the less trusting he became of the very people he worked for. Not that he ever really trusted them to begin with. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. He pulled it out and held it up to his ear. 

“Hello?”

X

“Agent Mulder, FBI. Where the hell is Dana Scully?!” his voice boomed as he practically forced his way into the ICU.

“Sir, she’s not awake!” a nurse cried out. “Sir, you can’t!”

The nurse’s words fell on deaf ears. He pushes past her and past a door labeled _Authorized Personnel Only_. He stopped in his tracks. His partner was attached to various machines, her mother sitting by her side. 

And she was very pregnant.

He rushed to her, placing a hand over hers as he looked at the older woman. Margaret Scully had tears flowing from her eyes at the sight of her younger daughter whom she thought would never return. 

Mulder looked back at the nurses and doctors in the room. 

“Who brought her here? How did she get here?” His voice rose, anxious for answers. 

“Ms. Scully was in this condition when I arrived for the evening shift,” a nurse explained. “Perhaps Dr. Daly…”

“Are you Daly?” Mulder pointed at a man in a white coat, who nodded.

He walked over to him, closing in. “How the hell did she get here?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? You don’t know?!”

“Sir, please. We are doing everything we can.” 

“I want to see her admission forms. Who did this to her? I want to see what tests have been done!”

“Sir, if you don’t lower your voice, I will not hesitate to call security.”

Maggie never looked away from her daughter, from the respirator giving her life. 

“Fine,” Mulder sighed. “But you will let us in your office and tell us what the hell is going on.”

The doctor nodded and held his arm out to guide them to his office. Maggie squeezed Scully’s hand before getting up. Mulder followed her and the doctor down the hallway into what appeared to be his office. Dr. Daly let them in, gesturing for them to sit in the two chairs in front of his desk. All three sat, and he went through his desk looking for papers. He took out Scully’s charts and flipped through them. 

“Presently, we have Dana listed under critical condition— comatose. There is complete unawareness of self or environment. There is no evidence of language comprehension, no evidence of voluntary responses to external stimuli. I’m sorry, but no one here can determine how Dana arrived at the hospital, administered, and attended to in such critical condition. Because of the absence of Dana’s recent medical history, I am at a loss for prognosis. I can’t determine with certainty how long she’s been in this state.” 

“What about… the baby?” Maggie asked with disbelief, still trying to register her daughter’s surprise pregnancy.

“The baby is fine. Heart rate seems strong, and there does not appear to be any harm. She seems to be within six months gestation, but I will page an obstetrician to give us precise information.”

“But that would mean…” she started.

“She was pregnant when she was taken?” Mulder was confused. Neither he nor Scully had time for relationships, unless…

No.

_No no no no no no no._

“No. No, that’s just not possible. Dana would’ve told me if she was.” More tears fell down her cheeks.

“I want her examined for trace evidence,” Mulder demanded. 

“She’s been bathed and cleaned since she’s been admitted. One concern I have is the terms of her living will. Her criteria for terminating life support is quite specific. If her Glasgow Outcome Scale lists her…”

“Wait, but…” Maggie was confused. Her daughter hadn’t told her about having a living will, let alone her end-of-life wishes.

“The pregnancy does complicate matters.”

“Dana would never terminate her pregnancy,” Maggie cried. “We don’t believe in it. Not even if she’s in this state.”

“I understand Mrs. Scully, but-“

“No! No… please…”

Dr. Daly sighed and turned to Mulder. “You were her witness. You know what she wants.”

Maggie looked at him in shock. Finding out she had a will _and_ this man she’d known for less than two years was a witness was enough for her to burst into tears. Her baby girl was not going to die. Not when she had been found right as her loved ones were losing hope. 

X

Mulder and Maggie returned to Scully’s room to find another woman standing over her with a crystal. The older woman went to hug her. 

“I’m glad you’re here Melissa,” Maggie said.

“You’re Scully’s sister,” Mulder assumed.

The younger woman nodded and placed a hand on Scully’s pregnant belly. “She’s choosing… whether to remain or move on, but she’s conflicted. She wants to carry this baby to term, but its conception was one of pain.”

Maggie walked away, not wanting to hear any more. 

“Wait, but she’s six months,” Mulder thought out loud. “She was only gone for three.”

Melissa shrugged. “That’s what I know, Mulder. She told me not to call you Fox. Well, her soul did. You can feel it here.” She placed a hand on Scully’s chest. 

“I’m good, thanks.”

Melissa rolled her eyes and then closed them, becoming in tune with her sister. 

Mulder stayed, staring at Scully. Taking her hand, her sister frowned. 

“You’re blocking her energy. Your anger, it’s keeping me from connecting with her.”

He scoffed and let go of her hand, Melissa resuming what she had started. Mulder wanted her back. And soon. 

X

After receiving no help from ‘X,’ Mulder met with the Gunmen. The only information they could supply, unfortunately, was that whomever experimented on Scully left her with no trace of anything in her system. But he needed more answers, and would do anything to get them.

“Hold on…” Byers said, typing furiously on the computer.

“What? What is it?” Mulder asked, staring at him. 

“Oh my God…”

“What?!” 

“These people, the ones who experimented on her… they made her pregnant. They put some synthetic form of male reproductive gamete into her. It seems as though the zygote developed much faster than normal… but it slowed back down to normal when she was brought to the hospital. That’s why she’s so far into her pregnancy, but it still gives us no clue as to what was done or who did it to her. It’s why she’s still alive. Her body is fighting to stay alive for this baby.”

Angry wasn’t even the correct word to describe how he felt; he was livid. He knew these people did this to get to him, but Scully was innocent. She didn’t choose this. 

Confused, Mulder paced the floor. 

“So will she get better? Will she live?”

“Unless these people don’t want her to, it’s highly likely she’ll come back to full health.”

X

And come back to full health Scully did. She came back sooner than anyone expected, and Mulder grinned from ear to ear as he listened to Dr. Daly telling him she had woken up not two days later. Going faster than he should’ve, and definitely running a red light or two, he made it to the hospital in record time. He arrived and walked into her room, revealing Maggie and Melissa by her bedside. 

“Hello, Fox,” Maggie greeted. 

“Not Fox, Mulder,” Scully corrected.

Mulder smiled wide as he took in the sight of her. The pregnancy caused her face to glow, but she appeared exhausted. He moved to stand next to her. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

“I… I don’t…” she started, tears welling up in her eyes. She ran a hand over her belly, which she had had approximately less than half a day’s knowledge about. 

“It’s okay.” Mulder took her hand in his and thumbed over her knuckles. “I know you want to get some rest, I... just came by to see... how you were doing and say hi. Oh, and to give you this.” He revealed her cross necklace, handing it to her. “I found it at… at the crime scene.”

“Thanks, Mulder.” 

X

“Okay, Dana, we’re just going to check on you and baby here so you can go home.”

Scully nodded nervously, looking down at her belly. _Just breathe_ , she told herself. This would just be a quick scan and she could go. The lady was nice. _She’s not going to hurt you._ The redhead was currently covered by a towel from her hips down, the gown being raised to reveal her protruding stomach.

“So you think you may have been assaulted?” the doctor asked. 

“Umm… I think so? I can’t remember anything.” The fact came back rearing its ugly head as tears once again fell down Dana’s cheek. 

“That’s alright. I read your file. Poor thing.” The doctor pulled the privacy curtain so they were unable to be viewed from the outside. “We’ll start with your blood tests. Since you weren’t examined during your first trimester, we’ll get those done first.”

After the blood tests, screenings, and genetics testing, the obstetrician declared Scully ready for her ultrasound about forty minutes later. She snapped on a pair of gloves and grabbed a vaginal speculum, bringing back the unwelcome memories of her abduction. She closed her eyes and held her ears as a memory came back.

_“Get off me!” she yelled as she thrashed about._

_The speculum hurt. They twisted and twisted, causing it to spread her farther and farther._

_“Stop!”_

“No!” she cried as she backed away from the doctor, causing the towel to fall. Scully pulled down the hospital gown over herself after removing her hands, but she kept her eyes closed.

“It’s okay,” the doctor coaxed.

“Get away from me!” she screamed, grabbing her legs and pressing them against her. 

“I’m sorry.” The doctor placed the speculum down and gently made her way towards the shivering redhead. She placed her hand on Scully’s shoulder, causing the agent to jump in fright. 

“It’s okay. I won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I just want to see how baby’s doing. We can just do the abdominal scan, is that okay?” the doctor asked while trying to coax Scully out of her startled state. The last thing she needed was to hyperventilate and lose consciousness.

Scully tried to even her breathing, letting out a harsh breath as she wiped away her tears. “Please don’t hurt my baby…” she pleaded as she closed in on herself once more.

“I just want to make sure they’re okay. I only want to help you. I’m just going to do the abdominal ultrasound, okay Dana? I want to see how your little one is doing, can I do that?”

Nodding her head, Scully slowly went to lay back down.

“That’s it. You’re okay.” The doctor picked the towel up from the floor and discarded it, picking out a new one. 

She gave it to Scully, who slowly placed it over herself, raising her gown back up in the process. While covering herself, the obstetrician turned on the ultrasound machine and took out a tube.

“This will be cold, I’m not going to lie.” 

And it certainly was. Scully shivered again at first contact with the gel before the doctor placed the transducer on her belly, moving it around. 

“Alright, let’s see what we have… There’s your baby.”

Scully looked at the poorly pixelated screen. And right there in black and white was the outline of a baby. _Her_ baby. She watched as the fetus moved, feeling them as she watched it on the screen. 

“Would you like to know what you’re having?”

“Yes,” she answered before she could think. 

“You’re having a little girl. Congratulations.” The doctor smiled, but Scully wasn’t sure if she shared the same sentiment.

X

Once Scully was cleared to go home, she was less than thrilled to have her mother with her all the time. At least she was able to be in her own apartment. She loved her mom, but Maggie Scully could easily cross the line into overbearing if she wasn’t careful, which was exactly where she had landed. Scully already had a mystery pregnancy to deal with; being smothered was not on her list of things she had much patience for. The agent liked… _needed_ her personal space, and having her mother basically shadow her everywhere was becoming an annoyance.

If she was being completely honest, she still had nightmares. She was afraid they would come back for her and her baby. _Her baby_. Of course, she’d never tell anyone, but the truth was this pregnancy terrified her. Children weren’t in the cards at this stage of her life, and suddenly she had a little life to care for. Her back hurt all the time and the more she read on childbirth, the more she wanted to curl up into a ball. And the worst part? She couldn’t remember a single thing about becoming pregnant. Most of her energy was spent growing a child she didn’t conceive and being on edge, just waiting for someone to break into her apartment and take her again. 

That wasn’t even the start of her worries. The maternal and infant mortality rate was high in the US, a country that prided itself on quality of life and living. What if something went wrong? What if she had complications? That would cost money, and she had not prepared herself for pregnancy and childbirth costs. Hell, she was afraid to look at the bill for her most recent stay that was due to come in a few days. Her job wouldn’t cover it, as she was off the clock when she was taken. What if the people who took her hurt her baby and she was oblivious? What if the baby was breech or she needed an emergency c-section? There were a slew of medical issues that could pop up suddenly and without warning, and the thought made her feel sick to her stomach. 

“... Oh, Dana, don’t forget to sign up for prenatal classes, and oh! We have so much to get. A crib, changing table, diapers, wipes, we might as well just put ‘everything’ on the list. Do you plan on nursing? That’s the best thing to do in the beginning. What about the birth? We have a while, but-“

“Just stop!” Scully interrupted, holding out a hand, the other rubbing her stomach.

This was too much to think about at the moment. While her mother only meant well, she wanted to at least finish processing this new development before she even _thought_ of preparing for the baby’s arrival, if she even wanted to keep the pregnancy. While Maggie may have wanted to go right back to normal, it would take a bit more than a day or two for Scully to even have the mental capacity to resume her normal day-to-day activities. And she didn’t have that many. 

“Are you alright?” 

Maggie went to sit next to her on the couch. She wanted to take care of her daughter, especially after what she’d been through. While she was elated at having another grandchild, she could sense Scully did not feel the same. She worried about her, and what mother wouldn’t? Her younger daughter just reappeared after having been missing for months, and she was suddenly over two thirds of the way done with a pregnancy no one had known about, least of all the person whose body was gestating.

She tried to place an arm on Scully’s leg, but was quickly swatted away. “Dana, what’s wrong?”

“I’m fine,” Scully answered, but she looked away.

“Oh, honey.” 

Scully removed her mother’s hand from trying to comfort her, and got up. She went to her bedroom and shut the door behind her. Sobs took over her, and she sat on the bed with her head in her hands. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was exhausted, mentally and physically. There were so many questions surrounding how Duane Barry found out where she lived, whose orders he was following, why those people wanted her, and how and why they made her pregnant. She knew it had to be them, for she had not been with a man since Ethan, and their relationship ended shortly after she started working with Mulder on the X-Files. 

And she was just scratching the surface. 

She didn’t even know if she _wanted_ this pregnancy. Being abducted and returned three months away from giving birth when you weren’t even pregnant to begin with could mess with anybody’s head. Coupled with the inability to sleep long stretches due to her nightmares and her confusion and anxiety surrounding her kidnapping, this baby was not exactly something she was jumping for joy over. 

There were options. Scully doubted she could get an abortion this late in the game, but was that even something she wanted? Her Catholic upbringing raised her to see the child growing within her as just that: a child. While she certainly supported a woman’s right to choose, her scientific views also lessened her ability to believe that abortion was the best option, as the fetus was by all means developing like it should and neither mom nor baby were at risk. 

Then there was adoption. Going through childbirth and then suddenly having nothing to show for it. While again, raising children was just not something others wanted, there was just something in her that couldn’t do it. This baby was completely unexpected, and yet she couldn’t bear the thought of adoption. It wasn’t like she was a stranger to it. She was reminded of Kaitlyn, one of her high school friends who adopted out her baby when she was 16. That child would be in high school now, and Kaitlyn was now married with more children. Last she heard, the child was doing well and Kaitlyn saw her a few times a year. Could she give her baby the life it deserved? She was paid well enough to support herself and this baby, and she was sure she could find suitable daycares. 

Scully was surprised at her own reluctance to do anything but keep this child. One who just five minutes ago she debated terminating. And yet, she was scared. Scared to be pregnant. Scared to give birth. She would never admit it, but Dana Katherine Scully was absolutely, one hundred percent terrified. 

“Dana, honey, please talk to me,” Maggie pleaded from outside the door.

“I’m fine, mom.” Scully said as she wiped her eyes.

“Sweetie…” Her mother opened the door and sat next to her on the bed. Maggie enveloped her daughter in a hug, rubbing her back. Scully let go first.

“Mom, I’m fine. I just need to be alone.”

“Are you sure that’s wise? I mean, you just came home yesterday and I haven’t-“

“I can’t be smothered like this. I really am fine. I’ll be even better if I can have even just an hour to be by myself.”

Maggie nodded sadly. “I’m always a phone call away.”

Scully nodded slowly, looking away. She heard her mother sigh and felt the loss of weight as she removed herself from the bed. Eventually the door opened and closed and she was finally alone. Sobs took over her and even the furious movements of the baby in her belly couldn’t quell them. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, rubbing her stretching stomach. “I wish you had a different mom.” A tear fell from her cheek and landed on her shirt. There was no doubt she’d do whatever she could to protect and nurture this child, but she couldn’t shake the feeling of tension and uneasiness that came with her pregnancy. 

X

A few hours later, she heard the knock on her door while she was cleaning the dishes. The task had become increasingly difficult with her bulging middle. Scully was not excited for her belly to grow even larger than it was. 

“Mom, I said I wanted to be alone,” she snapped.

“It’s me.” Mulder’s voice was muffled, but she could make it out. 

She dried her hands with a towel and smoothed a hand down her belly. For some reason, she had become almost obsessed with touching it, as if still coming to terms with the fact she was going to become a mother. Shaking her head from these thoughts, she opened the door to reveal a casually-dressed Mulder holding two plastic bags.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“Hi.” 

“Um, I brought some chinese food in case you haven’t eaten dinner.”

As if on cue, her belly rumbled. 

“I’ll take it you haven’t,” he chuckled, handing her a bag.

She smiled back at him, taking it from him and gesturing for him to sit on the couch. Setting the bag down on the counter, she grabbed two glasses and filled them with water while he rummaged through his bag. All at once, she felt a swift kick, almost causing her to drop the glasses. She gasped at the feeling of her child move so harshly as her grip tightened.

“You okay?” Mulder asked as she walked over and set the glasses on the coffee table.

“Yeah, I just felt her kick, like really kick, for the first time.”

He shot up, noodles falling from his mouth. She laughed at the sight. Mulder quickly tried to clean up his mess, but the slippery noodles kept escaping his grasp, which caused her to laugh even harder. Once the mess was cleaned up, she evened her breathing and felt her baby kick again. 

“Her?” he asked with his mouth full as he took another bite of his lo mein. 

“Yeah...” She grabbed her bag and joined him on the couch, slowly lowering herself. “I found out before I left the hospital.”

Mulder could’ve sworn a tear was trying to escape. “That’s awesome.” He smiled wide as he stared at her belly, full with her child.

“Here, feel,” she said, taking his hand and placing it on top of where she had last felt movement. 

“I don’t feel anything…”

Scully’s brows furrowed as if in thought, but she soon figured it out. She pressed down on his hand, creating just a bit more pressure on her stomach. Sure enough, she felt her little girl move inside her, giving her a swift kick. She looked up at her partner, who had actual tears in his eyes. 

“Wow,” he whispered, before looking up at Scully. 

Her smile wasn’t as wide, but she was becoming tearful as well. 

“You okay?” Mulder asked.

“Yeah. I just can’t believe this is real. I mean, I never thought I’d be pregnant at this point in my life. I just want to know…”

“I know. Me too.”

“It’s just...” Scully looked away after Mulder removed his hand, staring at her untouched containers of high-sodium food. “I just found out I’m carrying a child I don’t remember conceiving and here I am stuffing my face with sodium. Not exactly off to a great start.” Tears continued to fall, this time for a different reason. 

“I can order something else if you don’t want this.”

“I’m fine,” Scully sniffled as she wiped her eyes.

“Hey,” Mulder took her hands, “you’re going to get through this.”

She wasn’t as sure, staring at her bulge instead of looking at him. Sighing, she rubbed her belly as the baby continued to move and kick. If what others said were true, and babies could sense their mother’s emotions and distress, she was in for a rough three months. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the trigger warning was sufficient! Please don’t hesitate to lmk your thoughts on a heavy subject like what Scully and Hispanic women have gone and continue to go through. I hope I’m doing this justice!


	3. Overwhelmed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully has a nightmare, Mulder tries to help, and more is revealed surrounding Scully’s abduction and pregnancy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually try to have my non-first chapters longer, but I went through writer’s block with this one. Hopefully the next will be longer and y’all won’t have to wait as long 😅
> 
> Thank you so much Alyssa for the beta! You absolutely rock!
> 
> **trigger warning for depiction of panic attacks**

Sleep would not come easy for Dana Scully. She was afraid to fall asleep, for when she did, all she could see were the men doing horrible things to her body. A few nights, she couldn’t sleep at all, feeling guilty the next morning because she knew she needed to sleep for her baby. Speaking of, the child within her was growing as she should. Well, not counting her unexplainable growth rate before she was found. What worried Scully was the result of the genetics test. According to science, this baby did not have a biological father. A form of synthetic male gamete must’ve been used, but how? The technology to do so was years away. Why make her pregnant at all? What purpose would her pregnancy serve? These questions kept her up on the nights she didn’t sleep. 

Mulder had begun to notice, of course. He came to her apartment every day after work, refusing to take cases out of DC so he could be close to Scully. He saw the dark shadows and bags under her eyes. If he didn’t know any better, they looked like bruising. She claimed she was fine, just tired. When he asked why, she avoided answering. There was no way she was going to share her nightmares with him. For one, they were intimate. How would he react if she described the horribly invasive procedures they performed on her? She’d be humiliated. Two, there was nothing that said he wouldn’t spend day and night finding who did these things to her. His only lead was Skyland Mountain, which provided next to nothing in connection to her abduction. No, she would go on claiming she was okay while looking worse than when she was in the hospital. Even if they had only been partners for just over two and a half years, she knew he would never do anything against her direct wishes. However, this was Mulder she was talking about. He was not one to give up on searching for the truth.

About two weeks after she came home, Mulder stopped by like he did every night. It was Friday, take-out night, and he promised her unhealthy cheeseburgers and milkshakes. Still on leave, she would be waiting for him as she did each time he came. He claimed friendly conversation, but Scully knew he worried about her. 

“Hey Scully,” Mulder announced, knocking before using her apartment key Maggie had given him. “Are you hungry? I brought McDonalds, the most unhealthy food I could find.”

“In a minute,” she called out from the bathroom. 

She hadn’t been feeling well, nausea and exhaustion consuming most of her time. Currently, she was struggling to hide the aforementioned dark circles that laid claim under her eyes. She looked horrible. Her face had rounded out, her nipples darkened, and the linea nigra had become more prominent. Simultaneously hungry, nauseous, and on the edge of restless sleep, Scully was not having a good time. Ellen had told her once the second trimester was the trimester most women were always sexually frustrated, which could be partly true for her. When she wasn’t slumped over the toilet or spending her time consumed in her thoughts, she was panicking over the thought of pleasuring herself and having a self-induced panic attack, or spending the night sexually frustrated and wet with no release. Admitting defeat, she came out of the bathroom, clad in a tight shirt that accentuated her belly over maternity sweatpants Maggie had bought for her. Her hair laid atop her head in a messy bun. 

Mulder froze in shock and disbelief as just how disheveled his partner looked. “Wow, um…” he started, but her glare stared directly into his soul. 

“Don’t even think about it,” she snapped.

“I was going to ask if you were okay,” he said as he put her vanilla milkshake in the refrigerator.

“I’m fine.”

She went to sit at the dining table after grabbing her bag of food marked in sharpie with a black ‘ _S_.’ Mulder exhaled, knowing she wasn’t telling the truth. However, he knew pressing her for answers would lead to nothing but being kicked out of her apartment. They ate quietly, save for the occasional rummaging through paper bags. Mulder thought ahead, ordering an extra order of large fries just in case Scully wasn’t full after her two cheeseburgers and medium fries. He may have just saved himself, as she eyed the bag hungrily but not wanting to ask for more food. Smiling, he reached inside and pulled out the container of golden-brown fries and almost laughed at the way her face lit up. She blushed when he offered it to her, but he assured her he wasn’t going to eat anymore. Scully leaned back into the couch, swollen feet propped up on the coffee table as she ate the fries. Her baby moved inside her, grateful for finally being fed that day. Sighing, she ran a hand over her belly and pressed into her hips to alleviate the dull ache.

“Does it hurt?” Mulder asked. 

“My back hurts more than anything. But no, it doesn’t hurt. You can feel if you want.”

Mulder looked at her and smiled before gently placing a hand on her belly. She placed her hand next to his and returned a smaller smile. 

“Hey, do you want to watch a movie?” Scully asked, changing the subject. 

“Sure. What do you want to watch?” Mulder asked, removing his hand. 

“I’m not picky.”

The night ended with _A League of Their Own_ , and right as Dottie and Kit met Mae and Doris, Mulder heard a soft snore escape his partner. He turned to his left and saw Scully asleep, brows furrowed and her hands cradling her belly protectively. Mulder felt a twinge of pain at the realization her sleep was not peaceful. However, he didn’t want to wake her, as this may have been the first time she had slept in at least 24 hours. Mulder scooted closer and placed his arms around hers, hoping to provide some comfort. It was all for naught, however. As the Peaches and the Belles met for the World Series, Scully started murmuring in her sleep. He looked at her curiously and tried to mudge her awake. She kept squirming, tears now running down her cheeks. 

“No, no,” she whispered, her arms subconsciously twitching.

“Scully, hey. It’s me, Mulder,” he tried.

“No…” her cries were becoming louder, “please…”

She was sobbing now, and Mulder once again tried to wake her. Scully lowered one of her hands over her crotch as if to shield it and the other around her stomach. His heart broke at the implication of what had been done to her.

“ _No!_ ” she screamed, hitting at Mulder. 

“Scully! It’s me!” He placed his hands on her shoulders as her eyes jutted open. 

She was breathing heavily, tears still streaming down her face. Mulder tried to help her slow her breathing. It would do neither of them good if she hyperventilated. He took her hands and placed them at the base of his neck and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“Breathe, Scully.”

She did as instructed, breathing in and out with Mulder. Her daughter kicked violently within her, and she was sure she’d have internal bruising in the morning. 

“That’s it,” he said as her breathing returned to normal. “What’s going on? Do you want to talk?” 

She knew he’d know she was lying if she said she was fine after her panic attack, but she couldn’t reveal what she’d been able to remember and she didn’t want to. Removing her hands from around his neck, she shrugged away his grip on her shoulders and smoothed a hand down the expanse of her stomach. 

“No,” she answered simply. She knew Mulder wanted her to continue, but she refused.

“Can I do anything?” he asked after a moment.

“No, there’s nothing you can do.” Scully dried her eyes and slowly got up, refusing Mulder’s help, and placed the paper to-go bags in the trash. 

Mulder turned to face her, but she just stood near the door, arms crossed over her bump. 

“You should go.”

“Scully…”

They locked eyes, hers welling with tears for the umpteenth time that day. 

“I just want to know what happened. Please,” Mulder pleaded. 

“I don’t know, okay? I don’t know. I have talked to doctors and nurses to try to figure out what happened to me and I just can’t remember. There’s nothing I can do to help you.”

“You don’t remember anything? There’s not any smells or sounds you remember?”

She closed her eyes and was taken back to the room, the hospital smell and sound of machines racked her brain for a brief moment. There was no way she was telling this to him. 

“The last thing I remember was being thrown in a trunk. Now, please leave. I’ll see you when I come back to work,” she said as she forced the jacket into his hands.

“Scully, please talk to me. I know you were traumatized. It won’t hurt to talk to someone.”

“Don’t worry, I have to talk to the FBI shrink before I can come back.”

“You can’t do this,” he stated. “You’re torturing yourself.”

“Shut up, Mulder. Shut the fuck up. You do _not_ get to tell me what I am and am not doing to myself. I am doing fine without you. In fact, my life would’ve been better if I’d never met you at all.” The tears flowed down her cheeks as she opened the door and held it.

Mulder’s breath hitched. She didn’t mean to hurt him, he told himself. She was just on edge. Scully would never mean that.

“Scully…” he whispered.

“Leave. I won’t ask you again.”

He looked at her desperately. She couldn’t keep doing this to herself. Was she embarrassed over what happened? She had to know he would never judge her. At least, he hoped she did. Silently, she opened the door to let him out. Mulder admitted defeat and went to leave. He stopped at the doorway, placing his lips gently upon her cheek and gently hands on the swell of her belly. He sighed before making his way out of the door. She closed it behind him, her body racking with sobs. His heart broke at the sound. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve any of this. Whoever took her left her with nightmares, a child she didn’t ask for, and trauma she’d carry for the rest of her life. And she was going through all of this alone. Placing his head gently against her door, silent tears fell as he heard her painful sobs. Not able to take any more, he finally left, cursing God— if there even was one— for letting this happen to her, the woman who had done nothing but work alongside him in his quest for the truth. 

Inside the apartment, Scully placed her hands on the kitchen counter to support herself through another panic attack. While this one was less severe than the one previous, it still affected her. The baby kicked and rolled, making her mother aware of her presence.

“I know baby, I know you don’t like it,” she said gently after calming her breathing. “I’m sorry.” 

Scully made herself a glass of water, consuming the cold beverage in three quick gulps. This new part of her life was overwhelming at the best of times, and catastrophically detrimental at the worst. She placed the empty glass in the sink and went to the bathroom to wash the tear stains off her cheeks. 

Taking a look in the mirror she gasped. She looked like absolute _hell_ . If it was even possible, she looked worse than she did prior to Mulder's arrival. Okay, it was plenty possible, having gone through two panic attacks within the almost two hours he had been there. Scully mentally chastised herself for letting it get to this point. She had never shred an ounce of professionalism, even in her private life, and she had just let her partner see her look like shit. Worse than shit. _Get it together_ , she told herself. The Dana Scully that looked back at her was broken, hollow, a shell of her former self. 

She knew she needed to seek therapy. She needed someone with whom she could talk about her experience. However, Scully wasn’t sure if she needed another person knowing the horrible things they had put her through. Dana Scully never showed weakness. No, she would have to get through this herself. _Look how well that’s going_. She left the bathroom and went into her bedroom. The clock read 9:30 and her teeth and hair were still unbrushed, but her exhaustion overtook her and after changing into pajamas, she fell into a deep sleep in under half an hour. 

X

When Scully woke next, light showed through the blinds and she forced her eyes to open. Her eyes widened when she looked at her alarm clock and realized she had slept for over twelve hours. Rubbing them, she sat up and placed her hands on either side of her. She had finally slept through the night and then some, and didn’t have a single nightmare. Curiosity racked her brain for answers, but she chalked it up to being so tired after two weeks with so little sleep that not even her memories could wake her. 

She heard a faint noise and decided to get up and check out the source. It sounded like her television was on. She took her gun from the nightstand drawer just in case, not caring she was clad in only a nightshirt and pants. Slowly walking down the hallway, the noise got louder and louder. 

“Who’s there?” she asked with force. Her anxiety levels rose and her fetus kicked in protest.

“Hey, Scully,” Mulder called out. 

She breathed a sigh of relief and lowered her gun. Once the threat was neutralized, Scully made her way to the living room.

“Mulder, you can’t do that to me.” She went back to her bedroom and placed the gun back in its original spot.

“Sorry. I called and left a voicemail. I figured you were still asleep,” he said from the couch. 

“So you decided to come over to my apartment at twelve in the afternoon and make yourself at home?” she asked as she came back, raising an eyebrow when she stopped in front of the kitchen.

“Well, it sounds bad when _you_ say it…”

“What are you doing here, Mulder?” she asked as she went to feed herself and the child growing inside her. While this pregnancy was and would always be a mystery, she decided to take it one day at a time and horribly pretend it wasn’t the result of whatever invasive procedures were performed on her like a lab rat. 

“I came by to check up on you. After last night…” he trailed. 

Scully sighed and got out a can of chicken noodle soup. She was unable to stomach much at the moment, but she knew she needed to eat for two now and the fetus was probably hungry after the events of the previous night. It was unlike her to be so vulnerable as she was in front of her work partner. Although, if she was being honest, she found herself feeling more than platonic feelings for the man in her living room. Her second trimester brought overwhelming feelings of desire, and she couldn’t help but want to take her partner in any way she could. She was embarrassed to even think about acknowledging her feelings for someone who didn’t even feel the same, let alone voice them. Hopefully this was just the result of her pregnancy hormones and they would go away.

“Mulder, I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t…” The last part came out barely in a whisper.

“I know, and I won’t force you. I just want… I just want my partner back.”

“I don’t know if she’ll ever come back.”

“Will you try?” 

Scully stopped and looked at him sadly. Mulder looked like he was about to cry, and her heart broke. She shouldn’t have said those things to him. More than anything, she wanted to take her hurtful words back. 

“I’ll try. I’m sorry for what I said, Mulder. I wasn’t… I didn’t…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Scully. It’s my fault for prodding. It’s already forgotten.”

“Thank you.”

“You look better today,” Mulder changed the subject as he went to stand in front of the dining table. He crossed his arms and leaned his weight onto the side, watching her grab a can opener and open the can of soup.

“As opposed to every other day?” she smirked.

“You know what I mean,” Mulder chuckled.

As she went to get a pot for the soup, she scowled in frustration. She mentally cursed herself for not putting her pots and pans in one of the cabinets, and held onto the counter as she awkwardly reached down to grab the item she needed. 

Mulder noticed her struggle and went to her side. “I’ve got it, Scully,” he offered, grabbing a pot and handing it to her. 

She looked up at him and straightened herself. “Thanks,” she said, taking it from him. 

“Have any plans today?” he asked.

“I should ask you the same question. Usually we’d be halfway across the country by now.”

Mulder just shrugged. “It’s been a slow month and I don’t have my brilliant partner there to try and debunk me.”

“So you’re saying your theories are debunkable?” she teased and opened the can, pouring its contents into the pot. She filled the empty can with water and poured that in as well. Scully then grabbed a spoon and emptied the can as best she could before throwing it in the trash. 

Mulder let out a nasally laugh and shook his head. “But seriously, are you okay?” he asked. “You had quite a night last night.”

She just gave him a half-smile as she turned the burner on and stirred the soup and water together. “I’m okay. Better. I slept for over half the day.”

“Wow. I’m proud of you, Scully.”

“I guess all the times I didn’t sleep finally caught up to me.”

Mulder smiled sympathetically. He knew exactly what she meant.

X

A room was filled with the stench of smoke. Two men, one younger and one older, sat across from each other. 

“Are you sure she can’t trace paternity?” the younger man asked.

The older man took a drag of his cigarette. “Yes. I made sure of it.”

“How did you even get synthetic sperm? That technology doesn’t even exist yet.”

The smoking man laughed. “Of course it does. But we didn’t use synthetic, did we? Kristin did a wonderful job of giving us what we needed.”

“I just want to know why you chose to discard her when she hasn’t even given birth yet.”

“Simple: there was no need for her anymore. We did what we wanted,” the older man said. 

“But what about the child?”

“Ordinary.”

“And you’re just gonna leave her like that?”

“Alex, one day you will learn that if it’s not your problem, you don’t have anything to worry about.” The smoking man took another drag of his cigarette, ashes falling to the floor before he stubbed it. 

Alex stood up and paced the room. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. The original plan was to take her, get the child, and drop her off once the child was born. However, he quickly realized what he wanted to happen and what his superiors did were staunchly different. Now, Dana Scully was a few months away from giving birth on her own to a child she didn’t ask for.

“Don’t tell me you’ve become soft for her.”

Alex shook his head. “No, the plan-“

“Plans changed,” the smoking man cut him off. “Forget about her, boy. It’d do you good.”


End file.
